Sign-up for Fundamentals Class starting March 15th at 6pm, classes will be Tuesday, Thursday and Friday at 9:00, Noon and 5:30pm. sign-up
Rest or 9am class only.
1000 row, 100 OHS / situps, 500 row, 50 OHS / situps, 45/33
Firearms safety class starts at 1000. Weapons must remain in cases, no ammunition or magazines!
Cougar Hunting
I have wanted to go cat hunting for many years and in fact I paid Ray 3 years ago for a hunt but because of work I couldn't ever get over there. Cat hunting is one of those deals where you need fresh snow on the ground to have the best luck. The season opens Dec 1st - so depending on your hunt order with Ray (i.e. if you are #1 hunter on the list, #2, etc) you wait for the call to come where Ray says the snow is falling and get over here. Also - it's a quota system, i.e. once they get the quota of cats killed in the area you are hunting in, the area closes for the season. Depending on the snow - the season could be closed well before Christmas. They also have different quotas for Toms and the females - when you hunt them you want the big Tom if you can find him - so the season could be over by the 2nd week if there is lots of snow... I was #1 hunter with Ray this year - but again because of work I told him to start taking guys out starting Dec 1st and I would come over on Dec 12th to hunt. I was #4 in for him year - but it was actually better to wait as the snow was better. All 3 guys before me got cats on easy hunts... remember the easy part for later...
I didn't have much time this year as we were days away from shipping Windows 2000 so I took the late flight to Missoula on Friday the 11th. Got me there around 11:30pm and Ray and Barb (his wife and great cook) picked me up at the airport. We got to his house around 1am. He told me "the boys" get up around midnight and go cruise the forest service roads looking for tracks and when they find a good one they will sit on it until we get up around 6am. So off to bed I headed about 1:30am... 5:30am came early and as always before any hunt - I don't sleep worth a shit... so I guess I'm running on about an hours sleep. No problem I tell myself as what the hell - just a few hours ago I was at the my desk or in meetings all day and this is a great getaway!
We head out about 6:30am and radio the boys. Sure enough they had found two different sets of tracks. Then comes the decision point. They say they have good news and bad news. Ok - what's the good news?... the good news is the smaller of the two tracks looks like a piece of cake hunt... the bad news? Well we also found a big track... but (and I quote) - "I wouldn't send a broke dick dog up after it"... comes over the radio... I asked how big? They said real big. So I told them - well guys - guess we are worth less than a broke dick dog today as that's the one we are going after - little did I know - we were in for hell before it was over!
So Ray and I drive down some logging roads for a while pull up to where "the boys" are in the road and are sitting on the track. Now's a good time to talk a bit about the players:
Tim - Dog handler - my guess he is 21 at best. 5'9" - Weights no more than 150 lbs. I will call him C-Dog (C for Crazy - more later) for the rest of the story.
Ray -- The outfitter - I will just call him Smart-man from here on out. Mid-50s I would guess - but that doesn't matter as you will see later.
Cody - C-Dog's friend - he comes along just for the fun. 20 yrs old. 5'9" - 160 lbs. His name is Clint (as in Eastwood) for the rest of the story - the quiet one with the six-shooter. I will explain later.
Cory - Ray's son. 6'0" - 200lb - admitted he was out of shape as he has a "cushy job" now... I would guess 25 yrs old. I will call him Shadow. He followed me around for the day.
Bret - Ray's hunting guide and helper. 5'10" - 165 lbs - 26 yrs old - His name is Glue as his job was to stay glued to me at all cost - I mean I am the paying hunter after all and the hunt comes with a guide.
The 3 hound dogs - I learned their names at the end - but I'll be damned if I can remember them.
One mountain lion - 162 lbs as measured by the game dept. and 8 1/2 feet from his nose to the tip of his tail... a real big cat by any standards...
Me - 5'11" - FAT - out of shape - no training at all this year - Yes I climbed Mt. Rainier 3 yrs ago -- but sitting behind a desk all day and trying to ship "the largest software project in the history of mankind" has made me real soft!
Editors note here: Yes - that's a lot of people - I usually don't like this big of a "crew" but they were all good guys and besides it was just a cat hunt - so it can't be that bad - right?
So I pile out of the truck all excited and see "the boys" - and I think to myself - holy shit - if we have to do any kind of climbing - I am toast - they will leave my ass on the mountain... It's still dark as shooting hours is not until 7:27am... so we feed the boys some breakfast (hot pockets from Barb) and look over the tracks (4 1/2" wide track - anything over 4" is a good cat). You can't see much up the side of the mountain where the cat is as it's still dark - but all along C-Dog is saying under his breath - fuck me - fuck me - fuck me - every time he looks up into the dark where the tracks go, he starts his chant over again... I shrug it off as he must have had a bad night or something. Another note might be appropriate here... you know how you hear all these stories about these hunters that go out on opening morning and at daybreak step out of their truck and kill a monster elk, deer, lion, you name it... cake hunts I call them... well - I have never been on anything close to that - my hunts are always ass rippers - yes - they make for good stories and memories - but just once I would like it to be easy - my Tule Elk in California was an opening morning only need to belly crawl for 200 yards off the road to get to him kind of hunt - so it should have been a cake hunt - but damn - it was 200 yards through the thickest thistle patch you have ever seen - I was nearly fatally wounded before I took the shot and the tears were not from joy when it was over... I was the one with the most blood on the ground - the Elk got off easy... 4 years later I'm still pulling stickers and thorns out of my fleece every time I go hunting... but enough whining and that's a different story anyways - by now as the twilight was starting to shine up the hill - I was getting the feeling that this was going to be another ripper...
By the time the sun started to rise - I could see what C-Dog was worried about. First of all it was about 60 ft of cut bank (where they had to cut the road through) and if you have never tried to climb up this gooey, clay infested, take three steps and you are lucky to only slide back two of them, dirt emulating crap - then you have not lived. It looks simple - but try it! Not to mention there was about six inches of snow on the ground. Above the cut bank was nothing but sheer rock cliffs and slides - with a few small trees and such sprinkled in... We were at 6800' elevation at the road and you could see the ridge line of mountains went up for at least another 2000' and it was ugly - real ugly - real steep and ugly - real steep and cold ugly - real steep and cold and you must be crazy to go up there ugly... so I started C-Dogs mantra with him - fuck me - fuck me...
It wasn't long before 7:27am arrived and out came the dogs. You gotta love hound dogs... big floppy ears, big noses and a unique bark/howl. The dogs were good - we figured by the amount of snow in the track, it was about 8-10 hours old - but that didn't effect them at all. The dogs were on the tracks immediately and the howling and baying started - gotta love those hound dogs. C-Dog turned them lose and up they went - the dogs took a while to get up the 60 feet of cut bank (even with 4-paw drive on the dogs - they hated that cut bank shit also) and then up the rock face they went - barking and baying the whole way... another note here - when cat hunting and you turn the dogs out - you can usually hear them going for a long time - but not this ripper of a hunt - it was less than 5 minutes and there was silence... C-Dog didn't say much other than - fuc... (ok you guessed it by now)... How come we can't hear them? Did they fall off a cliff? Who knows... The good though is the dogs have collars on them and C-Dog has a tracking device in his truck for tracking them using an antenna. The collars are cool in that once the dogs have treed the cat, the cadence of the beep will go much faster as they are jumping up with their front paws on the tree - so you can tell when the dogs have something treed. The way it works is you turn out the dogs... they run off following the tracks... you listen to the tracking device and it's going... beep...... beep....... beep...... and then you wait until it starts going beep..beep.beep and you know the dogs have treed the cat and you look at the arrow on the device for the direction to head after the dogs.
Since we lost the dogs barking in the first 5 mins, no big deal you say, we can still track them. C-Dog goes into his truck to track them and there is no signal from the dogs.. huh? - we waited about 20 minutes and C-Dog couldn't take it anymore... they were his dogs up there so I don't blame him being a little worried... so he and Clint decided to drive up and down the road trying to locate the dogs on the tracking device thinking the mountain must be between him and the dogs. The antenna for the collars is a location antenna so as you move up the road you can get a directional signal on where the dogs are. No luck this time though - since it was so steep and straight up above us - you couldn't get a read on the dogs and couldn't tell if they were off to the left of us or right of us. So we wait a little longer. Nothing. Smart-man has brought two snow mobiles with us so we decide to go up the road and take a gated closed off side-road to see if we can find the dogs.
Up the road the caravan goes a few miles. We unload the sleds and Clint and Shadow head up the side-road to see if they can hear the dogs. C-Dog is staying with us and his truck to see if he can pick up a signal. They are gone on the sleds no more than 5 minutes and C-Dog is going nuts... this is one kid that can't sit still - I swear - he will move in his coffin when he gets put in there. Naturally we tell a few jokes, chew a little Skoal and stand around and eat peanuts and junk - just what a guy needs before a long climb - but the climb never really crossed our minds as I think we were all in denial now that daylight is here and we can see what we have to climb up. I asked the question once about what if we couldn't find the dogs with the locator - what would we do? - C-Dog could only say... fuck me... (you know it by now)... About 30 minutes later the guys come back on the sleds with no luck - no sounds of the dogs. It's now snowing like mad and C-Dog is getting worried and the only answer is to go back where we turned the dogs loose and follow their tracks until we could find or hear them. So back we go... we can't wait too long as we would lose the dog tracks also due to the new snowfall.
Up to this point - the trip has not been that bad - I've had a little nap while waiting for the sleds to come back - sure - not much sleep the night before - a little cold - but not bad... little did I know the world was going to change very soon.
We get back to where we have turned the dogs out and we load up for the climb (load up is a term that doesn't mean much in this case - means I grab my gun as I didn't have squat for time this year to shoot my bow - so I took the rifle on this hunt) we put on our coats and off we go. Smart-man and Shadow actually stayed back to load the sleds so it was me, Glue, C-Dog and Clint that took off up the cut bank at around 9:15am. Just before we left - we actually picked up a signal from the dogs and heard the cadence change on the dogs... so 1.5 hours have gone by before the cat was treed - C-Dog was mumbling again as just imagine how far a dog can go in 90 minutes and you would say it too...we couldn't get a good enough signal to know where the dogs were, so our only choice was to get on the dog/cat tracks and follow them that way. Ok, a deep breath in and up the cut bank we head...
I think it was 10am by the time we made the top of the cut bank - 30 minutes in, 60 ft of progress, covered in clay and already tired as hell - but we are on top of the bank. We are standing there looking up the mountain and asking ourselves what the hell were we doing there???? C-Dog, worried about his dogs, and Clint take off to find the dogs and tell us to just keep up as good as we can. So it's me and Glue climbing the mountain. It's not long before those two (C-Dog and Clint) in shape marathoners are out of sight up the mountain.... after a bit Glue and I get about 1000 ft up the mountain and I look back and see Shadow coming up our trail behind us. He catches us eventually and I ask him where Smart-man is? He says that he has decided to stay in the truck on this one - now you know how Smart-man gets his name...
So now the picture is this: 3 of us climbing up the mountain - digging and clawing the whole way... as it is just rocks and rock slides with a few trees to hang on to... of course there is about a foot of snow on the ground by now and with every step you take you aren't sure you are stepping on a slick rock, tree limb, or whatever and when you can't see it until you step on it - naturally you fall on your ass, knees, elbows, head, back, etc all the time... so we look like the 3 stooges trying to get to the top - and to think I paid for this???? We are following the cat, dogs, Clint's and C-Dog's tracks up the mountain. Every once and a while we stop to listen for the dogs and nothing...
We climb all the way to the top of the ridge line - nowhere to go but down the other side and just before we get to the top - the tracks take off side-hilling to the right along the top of the ridge... damn cat! We side hill for about 500 yards and no dogs can be heard yet - this is not a good sign... we get to a canyon and sure enough - since it wasn't crossable - the tracks started downhill along the edge of the canyon... we walk and walk and walk - downhill!!! I mean we get about 300 yards all the way back down the mountain from the road and sure enough the cat decides to cut across the canyon at this point... so over we go... we listen and still no dogs...
We side hill another 500 yards or so and the tracks start back up the mountain... what???? let's listen..... still no dogs... holy shit - up we go again... sure enough - we climb that damn mountain again for a second time!!!!... and to think I have paid for this ?????
We get back to the top and side-hilling we go again... sure enough just like last time - we get to another canyon and down the tracks go again... back to the bottom we go again - then side hill for about 1/2 mile and up we go again for the third time... for Christ sakes - what the hell is going on??? and I paid for this ???? My god am I getting tired by this time...
Up we go again - yes for the third time we are climbing this damn mountain - no water - no food - just me, the snow and the rocks and tree branches I keep falling over.... finally we get back nearly to the top and listen again - finally we can hear the dogs way way off in the distance... side-hilling we go again - this time finally into some timber - but it's all blow down crap that you have to step and climb over - and fall down into - and climb over - and fall down into - and climb over - .... you get the point... by this time it's a damn good thing I can hear the dogs else I might have just sat down and said --- that's it - I don't care if I paid for this - game over!... but the dogs have a tendency to get the adrenalin flowing so I'm actually moving faster now - in between falling down on the snow covered rocks and limbs... I'm moving faster now.... we go about another 1/2 mile and finally get to the dogs and there is the cat up the tree - over to the side is C-Dog and Clint waiting for us... they have a fire started and have been there about 45 mins ahead of us and figured they would start a fire - frickin' kids - I hate them.... of course the cat is content as it doesn't think the dogs or the humans will climb the tree after it, so it just fine sitting up there and waiting until we leave.
Now you must be thinking - shit - I feel for Brian - 3 times up the mountain - it's now about 3pm, so climbing for a 6 hours straight and he must be tired - trust me I was - real tired - real fucking tired! So you are thinking as I was - let's get this over and get out of here and finish this story... not so fast... there is more... remember this is my hunt and nothing goes easy...
You have to get the picture in your mind now. Picture this... The largest Ponderosa Pine tree you have ever seen... at least 8 feet in diameter at the base - branches don't even start for at least 20 ft up the tree and when they do - they are as big around as a big boy or small man... at the base of the tree are 3 dogs barking and trying to jump up the tree to get the cat... up the tree, laying on a branch, about 30 ft up is a huge Tom mountain lion, laying there just about asleep as he has been up in the tree for over 4 hours and the dogs are now boring him... off to the other side of the tree from me about 50 ft from the tree are two guys standing around a camp fire getting warm... So I sit down and catch my breath - I'm sitting on the ground with my back against another tree about 30 ft from the base of the tree the cat is in so I can see the cat and get a good shot... Glue and Shadow head over to the fire to join C-Dog and Clint to get warm as the cat is not going anywhere... I'm starting to get ready for the shot but I would like to sit down for a few minutes first as if you care to remember I have climbed that down mountain three times and would like to catch my breath before I pull the trigger - not good to be breathing hard when you are trying to hold the gun steady. I get sat down and I don't even have time to get a bullet in my gun yet and things are just about to change - this peaceful little scene (short of the dogs barking and fire crackling) is about to get a lot more exciting...
Just then - remember - still no bullet in the gun - I just got there about a minute ago - just then - the cat decided hell with this and he starts down the tree... This is strange as I have never seen this happen before... the cat is literally coming down the tree head first - claws holding on - hugging, scraping and clawing the tree as he creeps down a few feet... C-Dog sees this and runs from the fire over to the base of the tree and starts pounding on the tree and yelling at the cat to get back up there... I think - what? That is weird.... but guess it's normal in cat hunting.... the cat must be German or something as he doesn't understand C-Dogs english to get back up in the tree and keeps coming down - this is all happening in a few seconds mind you... the cat gets about 20 ft off the ground and decides to really say the hell with this... the cat jumps right over the back of C-Dog - I mean the cat missed him by no more than a few inches, flew right over C-Dog's head and lands right on one of the dogs... holy shit! We have C-Dog just about get jumped on by a mountain lion that is bigger than him - but he got lucky and instead the cat and one of his dogs are now rolling around in a big ball of fur - the other two dogs see it and are on the cat in a heart beat... holy SHIT!!!! Mind you, this is going on 20 ft away from me and I'm sitting on the ground (note: hard to run when you are sitting down) with no bullet in my gun... it takes about 1.3482987321 seconds for the cat to decide hell with this and it decidse to run off... for those geometry majors out there - remember how a circle has 360 degrees - so in theory the cat could have run off on any one of those vectors... NO - HOLY SHIT!!!!!! He is running straight at me!!!!! HOLY HOLY HOLY SHIT!!!!! The cat runs within 5 ft of me before he sees me and decides this is not right and takes a hard 90 degree turn and down the mountain he goes - with 3 dogs right on his tail.... C-Dog pops up and says to me: those cats have small lungs - they are sprinters - he will only go a couple hundred yards and tree again... so we listen and listen...... and listen.... and sure enough - a few hundred yards later (yea right) we lose the sound of the dogs... I look at C-Dog and say: Sounds like a long 200 yards to me?????? he says - yea - that's strange - they usually don't run that far!! Of course this is his first hunt with me.... nothing is easy....
Over the next few minutes we all catch our breath and laugh and say three prayers to the hunting Gods thanking them that C-Dog didn't get mauled by the cat as it jumped over him out of the tree. Glue says a special thanks to the Gods for me not getting mauled as the cat ran at me as Smart-man would not have been happy about the hunter getting ran over by the lion... I asked Glue (as his name is Glue and was supposed to be glued to me) where the hell was he when the shit hit the fan ???? Of course I was joking - I think anyways... We listen and no dogs - 200 yards my ass... so down we go... again...
It's now getting close to 4pm and we have at best 30 minutes of daylight left - so we have to hustle if we are going to get this done. Off the mountain we head running, jogging, falling, etc... we go about 1/4 mile and we get to the top of a big rock slide and sure enough that damn cat went right down it - dogs in tow... no way around can be found - so we have no choice but off we go - remember it's still snowing so it's slick as hell and you can't walk down the rock slide as it's too steep... so we sit on out butts and sled down it on our rear-ends - just fleece and skin to keep your butt off the rocks... we are keeping our feet in front of us using them as our Midas touch breaking system... mind you - this was not a small rock slide - it was a good 500 yards long and the rocks were not small either - I think the quarry would call them four inch jagged - I call them big, sharp and hard - so as you pick up speed sliding down this rock slide on your butt - hoping that you don't lose it and die - about every 20 feet a rock catches you just right and boom - a four inch jagged enema - ouch!!!!! I mean OUCH!!!! So you lean to the right until your right cheek is too damaged and sore - then you lean to the left -- then right -- then left - hoping the enema Gods will be kind... I mean can you picture it? - six guys sliding down this rock slide - steep as hell - yelling OUCH!!! (and every other 4 letter word) the whole way... it would have been fun to have the video of that... and I paid for this!!!!!????
So we get to the bottom and you can barely hear the dogs way off lower and to the right... we hustle down there - through a bunch more crap and blow downs and fall downs and finally we get to the tree where the cat is treed for a second time... it's about dark and we have at best 15 minutes of shooting light left - so there is no screwing around - besides - I'm pissed off at the cat now - well - maybe instead of saying now - I should say I was pissed off after I made it to the top of the cut bank 6+ hours ago and have stayed pissed ever since, but now I'm really mad! Three times up and down the mountain, two of us (and one dog) nearly getting mauled, etc... Note: usually when you get ready to shoot, the dog handler will leash the dogs, but in this case, we don't have time as we are losing light, so C-Dog just lets the dogs stay unleashed. I load my gun and as I am getting ready for the shot, C-Dog says after you shoot them they will jump out of the tree and run - so get ready... so I pop the cat and true to word out of the tree he comes... this time no incident but down the mountain the cat runs again - dogs in tow - he is fatally hit - good shot if I don't say so myself - but he is still going to go 100 yards or so... C-Dog is worried about his dogs getting into it with the cat before it dies and they might get mauled (he should have leashed them) - so as soon as the dogs go running after the cat - C-Dog runs after them also...
It's still steep as hell and sure enough - the cat runs down and piles up in a big brush pile. C-Dog, who is running fast by now down the hill, slips in the snow and into the large brush pile he goes also. Holy shit... now we have a dying car screaming those loud cat screams, three dogs barking loudly and their handler in the brush pile... We are all running down behind C-Dog and as I'm about 50 yards or so behind him, I see him slide into the brush pile... after he slides into the brush pile, I then hear him start yelling strange stuff - as he is face to face with a mad dying cat - if you were there - you would speak in tongues also... so he then pulls out his pistol and empties it at the cat and doesn't hit it once - guess he wasn't concentrating good enough... so C-Dog starts yelling at Clint to "Get his Fucking ass down here!!!!!" as Clint has a big six-shooter on his hip that still has bullets in it... Clint gets down there a few seconds later and before he could ask the cat if he felt lucky... the cat is done - dead... finally, running on an hour of sleep - three times up and down the mountain - a close encounter or two and at 4:30pm - it's over... C-Dog is one crazy dude and lucky to be alive - twice...
We do the ceremonial pictures and such and then drag the cat another 1/4 mile or so down to the road... when we get to the road we radio Smart-man to come and get us... he shows up and I finally get some water and have a chance to think about what the day was like and by this time - my body is saying to me - what the hell was that??? - I was the 3rd most tired I have been in my life - the first was when I nearly drowned in the ocean at LA when I was 22 yrs old - it was an act of God that I didn't die - the 2nd was when we climbed Rainier - but those are both different stories... my sheep hunt in Wyoming now moves to #4 - but that's a different story also...
I was damn glad to be done - had a monster cat in the bag - 162lbs and 8 1/2 feet long - guess the big ones live where sane people normally don't go... and had a great story and memories to go along with it... that's what hunting is all about!
I got on the plane the next morning (Sunday) - so Friday night to Sunday morning to get it done - yes - it was fast - but damn - no way was it easy!
BV
PS: For those non-believers - it's all true!
